8

Getting further behind unfortunately, letting only myself down, and so little to report too, lots of flaccidity, lots of exhaustion, many worries, including a kitten with a deformity I have to find the courage to put down, lots of La Luna work to get on top of, a broken car to pay for, a house to clean, not my own, a new home to go to temporarily with my new foster-lad, and so much more. Best thing to do under these circs might be to look outside yourself for subjects to write about, fictional or non, but funny how illness, my regular illnesses, turn you back on yourself, you become insular, the world tunes out, it’s almost scary, I lie on the bed, unable to read, almost unable to move, even sex holds little appeal, all fancy fled, but I can and should put my small talent to good use, for example Sarah showed me an email Catherine sent her, I think from an Amnesty International person, suggesting that the government is already changing its tune toward Baxter detainees post-election, describing secret deportations and media compliance. Sarah thinks I should do something about it, what should I do, join Amnesty, write to pollies, mobilise the people, start my own magazine, my own lobby group, become an activist, a writer espousing causes, defending the right, the downtrodden, the voiceless, or at least write a letter to the editor, any editor, or ring a radio station, a church, that’s what the email suggests, it’s a post-moral Australia it says, would need to confirm the allegations first I suppose, but in Wednesday’s paper another immigration issue, involving the deportation of a woman here since 1989, Fijian I think, and her Australian-born children having no option but to accompany her in exile, and their Adventist school is writing to the Minister, please don’t do this, why must you do this, rules are rules, no place for compassion or special pleading, we haven’t the staff to deal with special pleaders, we don’t want everything going pear-shaped, what would be the point of the department at all at all? We know they’re deserving enough, but we can’t base things on deservingness, too vague you must understand, we must have standards, and we’ll publish them so everyone knows, they’ll only have themselves to blame, when in Australia do as the government instructs, same as elsewhere, it’s nothing personal. Anyway I don’t know the rules, how do you deport people after fifteen years, after they’ve had children here, brought them up here, are these things not taken into account, and are the reasons for these particular decisions open to scrutiny? Time to visit a website or two, ask a few questions. Goodbye John Kerry, farewell Yasser Arafat, I’m trying to believe my health is on the mend, but oh how I rue not attending the gym as planned, planned for just this purpose, physical self-overcoming, but I’ll recover my health, and I’ll recover my money, my energy, my lust.