9

Looking forward to reporting more outgoing stuff but it’s bitter cold, well not that cold but staying in weather, and I’ve just checked my bank account in the hope that rent money might’ve been put directly into it by Anglicare since I haven’t received anything in the post so far, and if I’ve not received anything by Monday I’ll start panicking and contact Esther about it, also Centrelink Monday, I hope John doesn’t ask me to work that day. Yesterday in spite of weakness I went to John’s to do a half-clean, and took only twenty dollars for it, much of which I spent on lunch. I really need this weather to improve for the sake of my illness, and also I should make a doctor’s appointment, Monday. This morning several coughing fits to the point of vomitousness and blue-in-the-faceness, need to pin some doctor down on what can be done, I can’t go on like this, others tell me I can’t just lie there and take it, I’ve got to beat it, what about a specialist, is it an allergy (of course it’s not a fucking allergy), try a naturopath, you can’t rely on antibiotics, hope and endurance, shall I do another round of web-searching, it got me nowhere last time. Slight exaggeration. I still don’t know if my illness can be classified as chronic bronchitis. Are my air passages in the lung enflamed? Are my mucus-producing glands in the bronchi enlarged? It’s commonest in men over forty, and I’m that but I’ve had it, gradually worsening, for twenty years or more. Often overcome when spirits are low, I recall in 1982 when the lively share-house I was part of came to an abrupt end, it was late winter, and I was forced to move in with a former old friend who now had a male lover who was jealous of me, and everything had gone to pot and I came down with just this searing coughing, holed up in my room with just Gus the cat as my companion, and complaints from the lover about my rackety noise and when was I leaving? But was the illness cause or effect, or both, or neither? Not caused by smoking anyway. A history of frequent upper respiratory illnesses, well yes. Now get this - Symptoms similar to asthma may develop, including wheezing and shortness of breath. Yes, yes. When significant airway obstruction develops in addition to a chronic cough, the airways become narrowed, limiting the amount of oxygen that gets to the air sacs. Blood vessels constrict in an attempt to divert the blood to better-oxygenated areas of the lung. Blood vessel constriction leads to high pressures in the arteries that feed the lungs and puts a strain on the right side of the heart. Eventually, if blood pressure remains high enough in the lungs, heart failure develops, and blood backs up in the liver, abdomen and legs. No, no, no. But I do think it’s reached the stage where I can safely say I have Chronic Obstructive Pulmonary Disease, and there’s no real cure, but plenty can be done to relieve the symptoms – and to minimise flare-ups?